Monday, February 22, 2010
(you boys and Blake with Pop Pop as he reads the Christmas Story)
For the most part, we have transitioned well. I think we will feel fully "here" when we are in our own home with all of our comforts and belongings. For you, you need your toys and furniture. For me, I need my Kitchen Aid Mixer, and my own bed. I need to see all of my pretty pictures and decorative items surrounding me. I need to feel as if my "home" is established before my heart can be fully present. Wrong or not, that's the reality.
When thoughts of sadness have come from being away from my family, I am usually able to talk myself out of a slump. I tell myself, "your boys are doing great with this transition, and kids are so resilient." In a matter of a few moments, the cloud lifts, and my perspective is optimistic.
But last night in church, I felt a little bit of an ache in my heart. In front of us sat a grandmother with her 5 year old grandson on her lap. It made me a bit sad as I thought that of you boys and how far away you live from your grandmas. I looked around and saw families sitting together everywhere.
There are not a lot of transplants in this area. It seems as if everyone that lives here has always lived here. In a place like Chicago, you have people who are in and out all the time. Being new to the area isn't uncommon. When we were new to a church or an area, we weren't alone. I honestly envy the history that everyone here seems to have. They have roots that go deep, and generations of family surrounding them.
I don't know if being in the ministry ever gives us that opportunity. Our roots are in Chicago...and we are not. I guess we plant new roots at each place we serve. But I had roots and your dad had roots, and we didn't leave our nests until we were in college. There was a great internal security that came from having history in a place. I pray that you boys get to know what it feels like to be from somewhere. Parker, you've already lived in 3 places...albeit you don't remember the first.
Ministry can be tumultuous and unpredictable...kinda of like being in the military. You get "staioned" here, and then a need arises elsewhere, and you go there. Don't get me wrong...it is an honor, and I've read the Scripture in Matthew a 1,000 times that says "If you leave your father and mother for the sake of my name, you will be blessed... (my version)." I know Jesus gave up his life for me, so I can sacrifice some of my comforts for Him!
I am going to do my best to give you roots. Or at least to redefine what "roots" are. Your "roots" is going to be our family..it's going to be about people...not a place. Before we moved, we were VERY intentional about family nights, and memory creation. We've been a bit off kilter recently, but as soon as we are settled, we are going to re-institute those times. Each child needs security. Each teenager needs stability. I vow to do my best to give those to you, because no matter where we are, we'll be together.