I have a hard time dealing with bad decisions that students make in their journeys. I think about them constantly, I pray for them throughout the day, and even at night I toss and turn as I think about the path that they are going down. We've been at this church for four years, and I love these students with all that is in me. When they grow spiritually, or when I see them make a godly choice, I literally swell with gladness and joy. When I witness them walking away from Jesus, it literally makes me double over in sadness. Their choices weigh on me and burden my heart.
One could say that I was wayward student. I was raised in the church, had godly parents, and was even called to ministry at 8 years old, yet I didn't fully surrender to Christ until I was a Junior in high school. The first two and half years of high school I spent leading a double life, rebelling against what I knew, and running from God and His call on my life. I lied to my parents, I compromised my values, and I considered acceptance by my peers and friends to be of the utmost importance. I wonder if my youth pastor ever lost sleep because of my poor choices.
I invest in these girls because I love them and I care deeply about their spiritual state. What you invest in naturally becomes valuable because it required your sacrifice, energy, and time. These students have become extensions of our family, and when one is in danger of wandering, my heart drops.
Last night I could not sleep. A few students were running through my mind, and I could not stop thinking about the narrow path that they are close to abandoning. I can see them walking towards flames, with lust in their eyes for the things of the world. I can see them chasing after a life that will never satisfy, and a lie that will leave them empty. And it breaks my heart. It wears on me. The thoughts haunt me as I live my daily life.
Two weeks ago our girl's youth choir sang at a church event. I turned to Erik with tears and said,"If we loose even one of them to the enemy, I'm not going to be able to handle it" So, I will fight. I will pray. I will chase them as they chase the world. I will believe that the same God that redeemed this wayward soul, can also convince them of the magnitude of His love.
Now I can see why Paul likened discipleship to giving birth. It's work, it's tiring, it's painful, but in the end, it's beautiful.
The journal of a lady in love with 3 blue eyed men.
6 comments:
I have always admired your true love and dedication to your ministry. You guys are having a profound impact on those teens. It is hard, but will be worth it in the end.
Welcome to parenthood. You are the mama hen and they are the chicks and you want to cover them with your wings and never let them out. But if you teach them the precepts of the word of God and show them the love of Christ, I believe and always will believe that God's Word "will not go forth void". It is our part to teach, love and care for people but it is God's part to save and keep people.
I do the the same thing with our students! We have a few right now that I just cry out for. These are our kids and we have to fight for them.
In a way you know how God feels when any of his children stray from Him. The time you invest in these kids, no matter how they turn out, will always be with them. Sometimes you have to just watch from the sidelines and trust they will find their way back. If they don't just know you did everything you could to help them!
I know we can't make decisions for them and be there to tell them which direction to go at every moment, but the time you do spend with them is worth more than we could ever know.
thank you for never giving up on me, and all of us.
i love you so so much!! and with out your support, i wouldn't be where i am today.
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