Monday, September 10, 2007

Who am I?

I just got home from dropping off Parker at Pre-School. It is his first day, and he had no problem walking in, finding the paints, and barely even waving good-bye to me. I put Kent down for a nap, and now I'm almost ready to start work. This schedule is going to be good for me. On Monday and Wednesdays I'll be able to work from 9:30 to 11:15 without being interrupted.

Last night we started small groups. I was prepared to talk about "surface subjects" for the first few weeks until all of the girls got comfortable with me and with each other. But, thanks to Erica and Lauren, we dove right in and had one of the most meaningful conversations I've had in a long time. We discussed the topic of "finding yourself", and what that means and how that quest can effect every area of your life.

You'd think by 29 (1 month and 11 days away) I'd have a pretty good handle on who I am. But, I don't. Sometimes I'm introverted, and sometimes I'm extroverted. Sometimes I crave the company of people, and other times I desire solitude. On certain days I am organized, and on other days I fly by the seat of my pants. I am conservative, but tend to think liberally on some issues. I am aggressive, yet sometimes lazy. I want to be a black and white type of a person, but mostly I'm gray. I'm a perfectionist, but I ignore details. I am confident, but still insecure. Basically I am a walking contradiction, and I am finally okay with that. I've realized that none of these traits, or habits, or preferences define me as a person. None of these things validate me as a human being. After 29 years, I know that I am a follower of Christ. I am someone made in the very image of the Living God, and I am his child. That is all I am certain about. That is the one characteristic that is definite in my life. Who I am in Jesus IS who I am. My identity quest is over.


sharonie said...

i agree...that was good to read. That is part of what I am working through with my counselor is knowing who I am. So even when I become a mom then....I still will be a follower of Christ and his child...when I stop teaching I know that I am still a follower of Christ and his child. I like that!

Angel said...

I feel the same way sometimes - I feel at times I can be someone totally different depending on who I'm around or of course what kind of mood I'm in. But, I think emotions is what makes us act differently than maybe we normally would??