Wednesday, August 1, 2007

I'm just feeling a bit grumpy this morning. I enjoyed my morning run, but afterward I was too tired to do any weight training. At 3:30 this morning I heard Parker talking in his sleep. He was yelling, "Give me my mom!". He repeated it twice, and then fell back to sleep. Unlike him, I was up then for another hour and a half. I am dealing with a situation right now that is monopolizing my energy and thoughts. It is imperative that I do the right thing...I don't know if I am completely open to hearing what God is trying to tell me though. I say I am, but then I try to rationalize, justify, and manipulate the answer into being the solution that I want. Last night at about 4 am, I actually prayed that God would miraculously intervene so that I wouldn't have to play a role in the circumstance. I am not trying to shrink back from my responsibility...okay, maybe in all reality, I am trying to do just that.

In the ministry you love, encourage, and direct people. Often, you end up sharing their burdens too. This is part of the package deal. I don't mind shouldering some of the load, but it certainly takes it's emotional and spiritual toll on me. This is where I need to be depending on the Lord to be God, and me just his vessel.

1 comment:

Shannon said...

I hear ya Bethany. Ministry can be tough. That is the one thing I really could easily let go of, sharing the burdens of other people. I know that sounds disgustingly rude, I just mean that it can take a toll on you. I remember I went through a period of not hearing God because the situation would take over my entire being. Just remember to give it to God. We're not meant to carry the burden ourselves. I'll be praying for you. loves!