Sunday, July 8, 2007

I sit here on Sunday morning at 8:34 am. By now, I should be arriving at church and dropping off the boys at the nursery. In 15 minutes, I should be with my Sunday School class downstairs in the fellowship hall. After that, I should be with Julio and the Janitors in Jr. High Church. Instead, I am sitting on my couch downstairs watching Mickey Mouse Club House. Kent is wandering around the playroom deciding what to destroy next, and Parker is recovering from his vomiting experience of the morning.

Two weeks ago Parker and I had gotten ready for church and had gone to wake Kent up. I found that he had a 104 degree fever, so we stayed home that day as well.

I feel completely unreliable as a Sunday School teacher and as a Jr. High life-guard. Erik asked me to speak in service in two weeks, and I had to say no. He is going to be at camp and if something happens with the boys (like today), I have no back-up.

Whatever I do, I do it with all my heart, and I cannot stand being undependable. I despise having to call the high school teacher and ask if he can combine both classes. I do want to be here cuddling Parker and rubbing his belly, but I also want to be teaching. I'm torn. My boys are the loves of my life, but the I'm committed to the students as well.

This afternoon I am supposed to have the girls over to watch old Doris Day movies. I was supposed to drive them to get fast food and then back to my house. I'm not quite sure what to do. Parker seems fine now. At least he was well enough to push Kent over when they were fighting over where to sit. He is also singing along with Mickey and Goofey. I don't know if he just ate something that disagreed wth him, or if he has the flu. I guess only time will tell.

1 comment:

Angel said...

I know and understand how you feel, but remember your family always come before your ministry. I know it's hard when something comes up at the last minute and you can't be where you're "supposed" to be. You do feel unreliable at times b/c you have boys to take care of; but home is where you were "supposed" to be this morning - to take care of Parker. And we should be 100% reliable to our family. We only have a short time to be their mommy and before we know it, they'll be grown up and won't need us to cuddle them and take care of them. I've had the same situation happen to me on occasions. I think one day I'll miss being needed so much and will long to be back to those days. I always say, Better to be safe and stay home with him, then take him to church and have them get sick again and have to haul them back home and take the risk of getting someone else's kid sick. You're a wonderful mom and a wonderful Youth Pastor's wife!!!!