Three Men and a Lady

In my previous post to Kent, you saw how I am losing the battle for "Mother of the Year" so I mine as well air out of all my dirty parenting laundry.

Parker, you have had a loose tooth for close to a month, but you were to scared to pull it out. The new tooth was growing in behind it, and the loose tooth was perpendicular to your gum...yet you still would not pull it. I tried bribing you by telling you that since it is National Dental Awareness Month, the tooth fairy would pay double for a tooth, but you were not inspired to pull the puppy.

So, I intervened. I told you that I had to get a good look at it to be sure it was being brushed properly...your poor and naive soul trusted me. You came over, opened your mouth, and with one flick with my fingers, the tooth fell on the floor.

You looked at me shocked, and then shouted with absolute GLEE!!!!! You were so excited to have lost another tooth, that you immediately forgot that I had lured you over to me under false pretenses.

Fast forward to last night...you were asleep with your tooth in an envelope under your pillow (I told you the tooth fairy would take the tooth, and put $ in the envelope..really, I just didn't want to knock the tooth off your bed while you were sleeping and have you find it in a week or so in your blocks or something). I asked Daddy if he had two $1 bills, because the tooth fairy is paying double this month afterall. He only had a single $1 bill. I'm not proud of this, but we had no other options...

We took a dollar out of your own Cubs wallet and stuck it in your envelope under the pillow. I know!! I know!! I feel tremendous guilt. We could have given you a $5, $10, or $20 bill out of your dad's stash, but we aren't that crazy. I had some change, but I thought you'd be confused as why the tooth fairy didn't leave bills. I promise...I'll put $2 back in your wallet (for interest incurred during the loan), and we'll pretend this incident never happened.

By the time you are able to read this, you'll hopefully know that the tooth fairy isn't real, and that a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

So, in the last 24 hours I've lied to Parker about "checking on his tooth" than yanked it out, I stole money from Parker's wallet on behalf of the tooth fairy, and I've made up a song for Kent with the word "fart" in it.

Move over June Cleaver..there's a new mom in town.