I have gotten away from writing posts that are about personal, spiritual, ministerial, and internal struggles because I have a fear of how people will respond to my messy life.
But here's the truth:
Sometimes I look at myself and I don't recognize who I've become. I've always been critical, but never hopeless . I've always been cynical, but not faithless. I've always been insecure, but never to the point where I am unwilling to be stretched. Until now. I am so tired of allowing people and circumstances to dictate my thoughts, attitudes, and actions. I am tired of having myself, and others control my life. I want Jesus to be in control.
I feel drained. I feel like my job, my children, my ministry, my life have completely challenged me and have sucked me dry of my will to fight for what's better.
I know that being busy has led me to complacency, pride has led me to apathy, and circumstances have led me to bitterness. I don't like where I am at, but I know Jesus can meet me here. And I pray that He does just that. I pray that He leads me to green pastures and still waters. I pray that He gives me strength to walk through this valley, and that He holds me close as I squirm.
The journal of a lady in love with 3 blue eyed men.
7 comments:
I love you Bethany and I am praying for you. I don't think anything less of you for being honest and real. I love REAL people. Your life is not a mess...its LIFE. Life is always not in line and order. Love yah girl and thanks for being so real.
I think it's healthy to admit your struggles... I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes I fear I feel that way more often than not... yikes! That's why we need Jesus, that's why we (as a family in Christ) need to consciously lift eachother up. You're good at that! I hope you have a day of peace!
Thanks for sharing...it's comforting to me that God doesn't expect us to be perfect, He loves us just the way we are, flaws and all.
Keep it real girl! I'm feeling a little empty these days as well, but asking for help (or a break) is so HARD! And sometimes...just not possible. "Just keep swimming" - the wise words of Dori in "Finding Nemo"! :)
I completely understand how hard it is to be real! So many times I post a blog and just keep it in my "saved" files. I feel a nudge from God to be who I am so others will know they are not alone- It's hard!
None of us are perfect...and God doesn't expect us to be. Life and ministry isn't easy and God has called you so He will help you through it!!! Stay close to Him and spend time with Him and you'll make it!
Wow -- thanks for being so transparent w/ the BScottyberg blog faithful! Your blog is an encouragement to me, spritually and as a fellow mother. I know you might feel discouraged now, but please know that you have been an encourager to me and that was Jesus working through you.
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