Being in the ministry has been a life defining journey for me. I once heard a speaker say that those that are in full time vocational ministry carry spiritual burdens that are heavy and sometimes even crippling. My heart and emotions become so invested in those who are under our care. I've explained before how I can celebrate in their victories, but I also am adversely effected by their lifestyles and choices. I want nothing more than to help students become fully devoted followers of Christ. I would and do give my life for this purpose. This is the calling that I believe God has for me, and for us as a family. I believe that with all my heart.
There are literally nights, like the last one, where I toss and turn all evening as pictures of student's faces cross my mind. My heart breaks for the potential that is untapped. There are times when I wish I could force them into righteous living. I wish so desperately that passion was a pill you could take, and they would be revived and seek God earnestly. I can't give them passion. I can't give them salvation. I can't give them hunger for God's word. I can't give them commitment to holiness. I wish I could wave a Holy Spirit wand and miraculously resurrect their hearts. It certainly seems easier than fighting a spiritual battle for their souls. But I know that is what God has asked me to do. I pray that He will equip me for the fight.
Sometimes, I get a glimpse of how God must view His attempts to disciple me into following more closely. I'm sure that he feels the effects of every choice I make, both good and bad. I'm sure there have been times where God thinks "I wish I could just get her to.." But God gives me choices. He leaves the seeking up to me. I believe that God draws us to him, but it is up to us to respond.
I've been praying that God will give me the strength to fight the good fight. I pray that I will not grow tired of laboring because the results are minimal. I pray that I would walk by faith and not by what my eyes see. I am responsible for living out my relationship with Christ in an authentic manner. I am responsible for preaching the uncompromised and complete Truth of God's Word. I am responsible for creating an atmosphere that is conducive for worship and the seeking of the Almighty God. I am responsible for being an encouraging, truth giving, loving, and patient teacher. My prayer is that I will make myself available to God and for His work. I want to be faithful despite struggle.
2 comments:
Please remember that minimal results are still results. The butterfly/ripple
effect that you and Pastor Erik have started is amazing. I know that everyone
has heard the story about the power of a smile (you know the one where if you
smile at someone that is having a bad day, they start being nice and so on…).
Kinda the opposite of this commercial from Comcast:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qaec0qM80i0
You are doing an outstanding job. I know that I have seen a marked improvement
in almost all the youth in the teen ministry. I believe that this will be a
banner year for your youth program. I would not presume to know, but maybe God
is honing you to be sharper and pushing you to go against the norm…to shake
things up? I don’t know, I wish I did. Please know that you and your family are
in my prayers. I know that I am willing to do anything that I can to help your
family’s ministry. I would imagine that each of the youth leaders feel the same.
Hey - thanks for talking yesterday...I did want to share something with you. I'm doing this Beth Moore bible study at church and it's called, Stepping Up. It's on the Psalms of Ascent, which are Psalm 120-134. I really like Ps. 124 and I thought it may relate to all both of us are going through. Read it and remember that God is on our side and he will not let us be swallowed alive! Our help is in the Maker of heaven and earth!
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