The idea of purpose has been on my mind lately. I've been having the internal feeling that I am not accomplishing all that God has designed for me to do. I don't know if it is because my 30th birthday is on next year's horizons, or if it is because the new year often brings a time of reflection, or if it's because I've been watching too much Oprah. Regardless of the reason, I've been examining my life, and cannot help but think that God has more for me.
You'd think that by my age, I'd know what I am supposed to "do" with my life. I know God's called me to be in the ministry, and at this point in the game, I'm more of a utility player because of my other responsibilities. Being a mother of two children is my first priority. These boys are my passion, and my single greatest desire is to nurture them and raise them to know the Lord. But, I know that I am to be playing other roles in the Kingdom of God.
I've heard it preached that you should find out what your passions are, and what your gifts include. If those two can be intermingled, then you'll be going at full force. I have passions, but most often they include me as the center. I have gifts, but I don't know how to label them because they seem to be ambiguous. I don't sing, play the piano, sew, or have incredible hospitality skills. My gifts include talking, organizing, and being bossy (okay, we'll use the word delegating assistant). How do I use those to fulfill what God intends for me?
I have dreams, but they seem so unattainable and impractical. Erik preached two weeks ago about dreaming the impossible and allowing God to use you in ways you never thought. If I have these dreams, then is that an indication of what I'm supposed to be doing? What if I am not equipped or educated in the areas that my dreams entail? I want to write a book, I want to travel and speak to teenagers about dating with integrity and keeping themselves physically and emotionally pure, I want to open an orphanage, I want to get a master's degree, ...and the list goes on.
All in all, I want to be faithful to what God has for me. But how can I follow directions that I don't feel like I've yet heard? I guess the initial step is to pledge my obedience to God, and therefore prove that I will be a good steward of the commands He gives me.
I want to live a fulfilled, purposeful life, and when it is my time to stand before my Father, I don't want to have regrets.