Cassie Merca

"We get to a point in our life when we actually notice how HEAVY our sin is. So we cry and cry because we think "wow". I don't think I could have ever carried my own cross. I wouldn't let anyone beat me up like that.... So we get to that point in our life and we cry and thank God...but, it will never be enough...never!! But that doesn't mean we stop thanking and praising him...."

Lydia gave me a copy of Cassie's last journal entry before she went to live with Jesus. These are some profound words from a 14 year old girl. "I don't think I could have ever carried my own cross" She understands her need for a savior. She understands the praise and thanks that Jesus deserves. I miss her so much and it has been five weeks since the accident and I think about her everyday. Every time I go to church I just expect to see her there behind the drums or on her way in from a Walgreen's trip.

This whole situation has caused me to question my beliefs about God and really challenged some of my perspectives. Is He really good? Is He really in control? Why didn't He protect her? I came across a perfect quote in Mark Batterson's book...
"Sometimes God allows what his power could prevent." My heart still hurts, but my faith has been strengthened. I keep thinking about Lydia and how at Cassie's memorial she stood up in front of nearly a thousand people and said, "My heart is sad, but my soul is at peace." If the mother of this girl can say "God is good" after this, then I know He must be real because she is feeling His REAL peace and comfort during this time.

Cassie's life has inspired me to live mine in such a way where I am continually in awe by what Jesus did for me. That the reality of the fact that my cross is too heavy for me to carry is a daily realization that should initiate a heart of devotion and thanksgiving.

I miss her and she has made a permanent impact on my life.